As of late I've been completely swamped with my schoolwork, especially
more recently because it is the final two weeks of this semester. Being that
this is so, I tend to get myself into little ‘nests’ of my own work with no
regard of personal style or appearance up-keep. Functionality and productivity
are all that matter at a time like this.
Stumbling up the stairs to my apartment after an early
morning donut run before cocooning myself in my room all day to continue my
homework; I found my neighbor’s forgotten bank card on the stairs.
Normally, most people would try to slide it under the door,
or wait until they see the owner to give the card to them – I decided I would
wait, but I would wait vigilantly. Because this card meant that my neighbor was
going to be forced to interact with me, after all of the awkward encounters I
have had with him, this would finally be my chance to be a completely normal
and respectable human being.
I knew he wasn’t home so I went into my apartment to sit in
wait. I wasn’t completely creepy about it though, I started my nest and began
working right away. Now, I don’t turn the heat on in my apartment unless my roommate
is home – I prefer the cold. Although my hands do go numb if I’m on my computer
in the cold and so do my toes, so naturally I wear gloves and slippers/long
socks to counteract the cold. But I still wear shorts and a t-shirt with that.
And don’t forget as I had mentioned before about my appearance during my homework
marathons, I had yucky floppy hair and my glasses on as well.
A few hours later I finally heard the front door, I jumped
up into action like a squirrel on a hot road. I looked through my peephole to
see that he was in fact home, but I thought about it and decided it’d be best
to wait a few minutes or so. Just so, well, you know - that I don’t seem like I’m
entirely watching his every move like a stalker. Psh? No big deal, it’s totally
normal.
Anyway, I go next door (completely forgetting my attire) and
I knock outside patiently. I hear him coming to the door, then look through the
peephole. I hear a muffled ‘Who the french
toast* is this?’ (I wish he would have said French toast, but I censored it
for your innocent, squishy, little eyes). So he starts to unlock the door and I
just get so excited and ready to present him with this bank card that I’m just
about beaming with excitement.
The door opens and instead of my neighbor, I see an orange
cat. To my confusion I look up and my neighbor is standing in the barely opened
doorway holding a cat like he is going to thrust it upon my face if I try
anything funny.
We hold an affixed stare for about a full 30 seconds before
I remembered I had knocked on his door with information for him. Fumbling for
words, I just held up the bank card like a detective badge. I saw a wave of
relief go through his face and felt accomplished as if I had achieved a redemption
and was now considered a normal person in his eyes.
Of course you know me, awkward as ever and decided to
continue trying to make words with this fellow after I should have said you’re
welcome and turned around and left. I then said something along the lines of “Well
I figured..yours…because not my roommates…not mine…and…so..okay….yours?...great
have awesome…night..day”
He stood there puzzled for a second again trying to figure
out why I even bothered trying to speak to anyone ever. Then held up the card
and the cat and replied ‘yeah…..alright. thanks then.’ And again, we held about
another 30 seconds of eye contact before I remembered to turn around and
retreat back to my apartment.
As soon as walking back into my apartment I remembered my
appearance and just about melted. Not only could I speak only incoherently to my
neighbor but I was dressed like a complete idiot while doing so. I can only
imagine him thinking things like ‘awhh man. Not only is my neighbor a weirdo,
but she had my bank card too. I better check and make sure she didn’t buy any
weird things like frogs with hats or a year supply of lemons or something
worse.’
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