Monster In The Kitchen

This post was actually from before the Holidays, but given the busy season I am just now getting around to finishing it and posting it. Anyway, Enjoy. :p

Chyanne and I came home a few nights ago from a quick trip to Meijer where I had to buy pants because I had no clean pants. No big deal. We walked in talking about random junk, went into the kitchen with our bags full of soup and macaroni (which seemed like a good idea at the time) and put them on the counter. Everything was joyful and happy and great with the food and pants and random purchases and such.

But then, everything got dark very quickly. I walked over to open the fridge to put our soda inside when I noticed a spot above the doorway. I’m super blind so I had to look really close to see what it was, I was about 5 inches away from one of the top ten most terrifying looking bugs I've ever seen in my life.

It had about a million legs it seemed like, and walked like a snaked slithered – all wiggly and zigzagged. 

I demanded that Chyanne come in and behold this monstrosity on our wall. She came in brave as a noun and decided to battle this foe, after documenting its appearance of course.

I swear the bug was much like a suicidal wasp, hornet, bee whatever where they die after they sting you. This bug was actually a bomb of legs, guts and ooze, however we weren't aware until it was too late.

She leapt into action with her fly swatter swinging away, it all happened so fast. Immediately after smashing, there was a loud pop followed by the bomb shrapnel going into her hair and eyes. This was biological warfare now. The bug’s AIDS juices were now contaminating my roommate.

When the dust settled they were both on the ground, she had lost her weapon after it flew across the kitchen and underneath the dining room table. Although she was wounded, she survived. Thankfully the AIDS juices didn't take her, because I really didn't want to have to look for a new roommate, that’s such a hassle.

Oh by the way, here’s the actual photo of the bug that we went to war with. Yeah, just think about that crawling around your everything as you sleep. >:(

That One Time I Shaved My Head

My roommate Chyanne has a pretty badass side-cut and has for a while now. She tried to convince me to get one with her about a month ago, but I thought way too much about it and chickened out because I thought I’d look like I got in a fight with a lawn mower and lost. My hair is about 15” long and so brown it’s almost black. Her hair is only about 8” long at best and so blonde it’s almost white. Therefore you can’t really tell at a glance that she has a side-cut. I had made the mistake about two years ago to chop my 18” straight locks off to about 5” all over. This took what felt like an eternity to grow back, so you can understand my skepticism to go almost completely bald in one part of my head.

Although a few nights ago in one of my four-late-nights-a-week design classes I discussed the idea with a few of my fellow classmates. It once again put the spur back into my head about getting a side-cut just to do something different. I pondered it on the way home and called my roommate before I changed my mind and demanded she shave my head when I get home. Confozzled, she agreed.

However she also forgot mention until last minute that she had gone out to eat with two of her coworkers (Trevor and Alex) and that the two of them were getting quite tipsy and wanted to see our apartment. She briefed the two of them on the situation quickly before heading out.

As soon as the three of them entered the apartment and Chyanne directed them in the right direction, Trevor stumbles in, throws his hands up and exclaims “WHO’S HEAD WE SHAV’IN, YEAAAHH??”

As Chyanne showed the two of them around our little cupboard of an apartment I was getting out all of the supplies to wack a part of my hair off. Trying to keep my mind off what I was actually doing, I went over to the mirror in the dining area, measured out a large chunk of my hair and clipped the rest back to be cut. I walked into the kitchen and waited patiently for them to finish their conversation so that we could begin the scalping. Although the more I stood there and waited, the more I thought about what I was doing. So instead of waiting I reached over, grabbed the large scissors from the knife block, grabbed the chunk of my hair and just hacked it off with no regard.

WELP. No turning back now.

Everyone stared at me baffled except Trevor, whom was about on a 30 second delay. He was looking around at our kitchen and his eyes met the floor where the large portion of my hair was laying that I just hacked off. “AGH! THAT’S, WHAT IS THAT? WHO’S HAIR IS THAT?” ………..”ohhhhhhhhhhh. that’s a lot of hair, woah”. Chyanne and Alex just stared at him completely dumfounded.

I sat down on the stool and Chyanne began to start shaving off the hacked bits of what was left of my hair. The clippers literally sound and feel like bees buzzing next to your ear; you boys shush – you might be used to this but consider I’M A GIRL DANG IT. We don’t typically shave our heads or use clippers, so this is a completely new feeling for me.

After it was all said and done, I felt the side of my head and it felt….cold and spiky, much like you’d think Bowser’s shell would feel. I ended up liking it a lot more than I thought that I would, I’m glad I just hacked it off without regard. I figure that I’m still young and able to get away with things like crazy haircuts, why waste the opportunity? Now I can’t stop petting the side of my head, and it’s totally not weird that I ask strangers to pet my head like a lost cat. Psh nah.

How Awkward I Really Am Vol. 2

As of late I've been completely swamped with my schoolwork, especially more recently because it is the final two weeks of this semester. Being that this is so, I tend to get myself into little ‘nests’ of my own work with no regard of personal style or appearance up-keep. Functionality and productivity are all that matter at a time like this.

Stumbling up the stairs to my apartment after an early morning donut run before cocooning myself in my room all day to continue my homework; I found my neighbor’s forgotten bank card on the stairs.

Normally, most people would try to slide it under the door, or wait until they see the owner to give the card to them – I decided I would wait, but I would wait vigilantly. Because this card meant that my neighbor was going to be forced to interact with me, after all of the awkward encounters I have had with him, this would finally be my chance to be a completely normal and respectable human being.

I knew he wasn’t home so I went into my apartment to sit in wait. I wasn’t completely creepy about it though, I started my nest and began working right away. Now, I don’t turn the heat on in my apartment unless my roommate is home – I prefer the cold. Although my hands do go numb if I’m on my computer in the cold and so do my toes, so naturally I wear gloves and slippers/long socks to counteract the cold. But I still wear shorts and a t-shirt with that. And don’t forget as I had mentioned before about my appearance during my homework marathons, I had yucky floppy hair and my glasses on as well.

A few hours later I finally heard the front door, I jumped up into action like a squirrel on a hot road. I looked through my peephole to see that he was in fact home, but I thought about it and decided it’d be best to wait a few minutes or so. Just so, well, you know - that I don’t seem like I’m entirely watching his every move like a stalker. Psh? No big deal, it’s totally normal.

Anyway, I go next door (completely forgetting my attire) and I knock outside patiently. I hear him coming to the door, then look through the peephole. I hear a muffled ‘Who the french toast* is this?’ (I wish he would have said French toast, but I censored it for your innocent, squishy, little eyes). So he starts to unlock the door and I just get so excited and ready to present him with this bank card that I’m just about beaming with excitement.

The door opens and instead of my neighbor, I see an orange cat. To my confusion I look up and my neighbor is standing in the barely opened doorway holding a cat like he is going to thrust it upon my face if I try anything funny.

We hold an affixed stare for about a full 30 seconds before I remembered I had knocked on his door with information for him. Fumbling for words, I just held up the bank card like a detective badge. I saw a wave of relief go through his face and felt accomplished as if I had achieved a redemption and was now considered a normal person in his eyes.

Of course you know me, awkward as ever and decided to continue trying to make words with this fellow after I should have said you’re welcome and turned around and left. I then said something along the lines of “Well I figured..yours…because not my roommates…not mine…and…so..okay….yours?...great have awesome…night..day”

He stood there puzzled for a second again trying to figure out why I even bothered trying to speak to anyone ever. Then held up the card and the cat and replied ‘yeah…..alright. thanks then.’ And again, we held about another 30 seconds of eye contact before I remembered to turn around and retreat back to my apartment.

As soon as walking back into my apartment I remembered my appearance and just about melted. Not only could I speak only incoherently to my neighbor but I was dressed like a complete idiot while doing so. I can only imagine him thinking things like ‘awhh man. Not only is my neighbor a weirdo, but she had my bank card too. I better check and make sure she didn’t buy any weird things like frogs with hats or a year supply of lemons or something worse.’

How Awkward I Really Am Vol. 1

Lately my life has been more awkward than usual. Perhaps it's from a lack of actually interacting socially with people other than my co-workers (aka my family), my classmates, and my roommate (which is mostly just grunting and odd sounds anyway). But either way - my communication skills have taken a dive to say the least.

The first incident of awkwardness happened yesterday. I had been at my parents house doing laundry and homework all day, so when I came home I was still in 'gross zombie sweats' mode; apparently so was my brain. I refuse to make multiple trips to my car so I carry literally everything in one go. This includes a laundry hamper, a laundry basket, my laptop bag, purse and anything else I might have with me. So mind you, I'm gross and over-encumbered with items which is slowing me down. So I get to the top of the stairs finally and set everything down to get out my keys when I hear a sound, 

It was my neighbor - he was exiting his apartment door two feet from where I stood. I have only seen this man twice in the two months that I have lived here; that's one for each month. :D Anyway, the first time I saw him wasn't any less awkward as I ran at him screaming HELLO, HI! HOW ARE YOU?! at the top of my lungs jumping like an excited two year old. Why do I think these things are necessary? Nobody knows.

However this time I was determined to have an intelligent greeting that I could be proud of. Instead, much like the last time I fumbled my speech and for some reason the only thing that seemed like the correct words to come out of my mouth was a sudden and very loud WHHHUUUU sound. 

He stood and looked at me for a moment trying to piece together what I was trying to say.

We proceeded to just stare at each other in silence for a good 20 to 30 seconds before I dashed into my apartment.

And that. is why I should never be allowed to socialize ever. I'm somehow more awkward than the 30-40 something year old nerd guy next door with a cat. (He seems pretty cool, but I mean still awkward).

Animal Crossing

Off in the village of Alaska, there is a small cottage filled with comfortable furniture and interesting décor. Inside that cottage resides Rinn, a humble collector of bugs, fossils, fish and other various oddities.

Each day Rinn sets out to continue her pursuit to collect
every.
single.
last.
item in the game. This 40 page list includes each minute detail in the game that MUST be accomplished before feeling I have truly ‘beaten’ the game. I’m unlockin ‘expert insane hard mode’ as my friends call it.

Countless hours easily get sucked out of my life and into my character’s life.  It’s not even like I’m actually accomplishing major victories; just harmlessly collecting fruits and other items to pay off the shark loan of a raccoon who forced me to buy a house wait no, more like dumpy closet hole with shanty flooring and a radio on a cardboard box for a million dollars. (who takes financial advice from forest animals anyway??) Can’t I just like, pay in acorns? No. that sneaky snake is greedy as sin.

So as I have worked day in and day out to afford this slanty box of a home that costs more than a lifetime of burritos for everyone in America, I eventually save up enough money to pay him off. Only of course for him to tell me I owe him double the amount I owed him the first time to make my home an inch bigger in diameter. No. This is not okay.

Aside from the money grubbing raccoon, there are my other villager friends that are quite pleasant. Here’s a quick run down.

Cookie, This little nugget of cuteness is just the sunshine of my town.

Moose, He’s kind of the pedophile of the town. Always walking around naked with his gruff facial hair and crude remarks, just like that one creepy uncle everybody has.)

Gengji, Powerhouse rabbit over here, he might look soulless, but that’s just because he sweat it out while doing all those morning work-outs.

Stinky, Why oh why does he choose to wear underpants on his head? Nobody knows, but what I do know, is that he’s still got a cute charm about him.

Gaston, Maybe it’s just me. But doesn’t he strike an uncanny resemblance to Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation?

Mallary, I hate Mallary so much. Occasionally my town gets overrun with bird characters, and all of them eventually leave because I’m so mean to them. All except Mallary. Stupid Mallary.

And last but not least Nate the bear. He moved out of my town unfortunately, but I’m still including him as being there because I got so attached I literally cried when he moved. He’s just so fat and lovable I was sad to see him go. I would walk to say hello every morning and one day his house had picked up and disappeared. D:

Sometimes I spend more time with the people in my village more than the people in my real life. Have I mentioned I’m a bit of a hermit?

I’m quite cozy here though. :) I can't wait for it to come out on the 3DS. ANY TIME NOW.